tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1223787098072603229.post2992221223157441739..comments2022-03-31T03:30:29.313-05:00Comments on lisamlillypad: Goodbye Ovaries: Thoughts on Choices Other Than ChildrenAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00224163010904082968noreply@blogger.comBlogger13125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1223787098072603229.post-83246041766131213512012-06-07T03:14:15.309-05:002012-06-07T03:14:15.309-05:00Lisa - fantastic post, and I agree with you. I am ...Lisa - fantastic post, and I agree with you. I am 42, and have been with the same man for 22 years. We knew from the start we didn't want children. We both have much younger siblings, and we were aware of the time, energy and cash that children take out of you. We didn't want to follow that path. I have repeatedly asked my doctor's surgery for sterilisation, and been refused - under the excuse that because I've never had children I might "change my mind".<br /><br />I too get puzzled by the selfish label. People who want children and have trouble conceiving go to great lengths for IVF. Why don't they adopt? Because what drives us to want children is 'the selfish gene' which gives us an overwhelming need to reproduce our own genes. Isn't it more selfish to have children of your own, in a world where so many children are in need of loving adoptive parents?<br /><br />Childless people have more time and money to spend on themselves - on frivolities, on hobbies, on holidays. Those who have children might resent this occasionally, and this is where the criticism sometimes come from.<br /><br />In the 21st century, we as women should be free to make our own choices about what we do, or do not do, with our own bodies. It's rather sad that we still encounter prejudice. <br /><br />SaraSara-Jayne Townsendhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08516262112778133710noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1223787098072603229.post-29934093354632430432012-05-29T12:30:09.536-05:002012-05-29T12:30:09.536-05:00Hi, Laura Carroll, author of Families of Two and j...Hi, Laura Carroll, author of Families of Two and just released, The Baby Matrix. Love your post's honesty and insightful thoughts. Underneath the myths about those who have no children by choice (e.g., selfish), and how the personal is political is a set of beliefs that has influenced our society socially and culturally so strongly the beliefs have come to be seen as true-the phenom: pronatalism. The Baby Matrix lays out why we need to start seriously questioning pronatalism for the betterment of all...check it out. http://lauracarroll.comLaura Carrollhttp://lauracarroll.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1223787098072603229.post-5649032105752963092012-05-28T16:12:27.430-05:002012-05-28T16:12:27.430-05:00Hon - You do what YOU think is best. You make your...Hon - You do what YOU think is best. You make your decision and move on. I love that you thought this through instead of acting on a whim. I'm so sorry that you were in so much pain. Hopefully, this will put your pain in the past. It IS a major surgery. Take your time and do what they tell you for rehab (like, really, you wouldn't?) Wish I was there in person to visit. Know that I will be thinking of you and praying for a quick recovery. =BJBob Janisnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1223787098072603229.post-49827593732023766232012-05-28T15:39:43.152-05:002012-05-28T15:39:43.152-05:00Thanks for this “choice” statement. I agree that w...Thanks for this “choice” statement. I agree that women choose many different life paths and my belief is that it is not selfish whichever pathway is chosen. Society in general and the corporate world tries to claim they’ve made great strides in equality regarding family orientation, women vs men and the matter of choice; they are few and far between. <br /> I was told I was selfish for having only one child and choosing not to remarry. My answer in one form or another has always been “it’s a matter of choice” many won’t accept just that…they want to know reasons or acceptable explanations to them as how a women’s choices are okay as if they have less merit…especially if they go against the “traditional” lifestyle. <br />Men are not thought to be selfish if they state they don’t want to have children some of the commentaries I’ve heard is; he has a strong will and knows what he wants. I have always been perplexed as to why women are not given the same consideration. <br /><br />As always Lisa thank you for your honesty in the sharing of your feelings and beliefs. <br />May you have quick healing from your surgery.skysong81https://www.blogger.com/profile/07370784948250106510noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1223787098072603229.post-72700445725541544472012-05-28T15:34:08.466-05:002012-05-28T15:34:08.466-05:00Thanks for this “choice” statement. I agree that w...Thanks for this “choice” statement. I agree that women choose many different life paths and my belief is that it is not selfish whichever pathway is chosen. Society in general and the corporate world tries to claim they’ve made great strides in equality regarding family orientation, women vs men and the matter of choice; they are few and far between. <br /> I was told I was selfish for having only one child and choosing not to remarry. My answer in one form or another has always been “it’s a matter of choice” many won’t accept just that…they want to know reasons or acceptable explanations to them as how a women’s choices are okay as if they have less merit…especially if they go against the “traditional” lifestyle. <br />Men are not thought to be selfish if they state they don’t want to have children some of the commentaries I’ve heard is; he has a strong will and knows what he wants. I have always been perplexed as to why women are not given the same consideration. <br /><br />As always Lisa thank you for your honesty and the sharing of your feelings. <br />May you have quick healing from your surgery.skysong81https://www.blogger.com/profile/07370784948250106510noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1223787098072603229.post-53239657054782573802012-05-28T10:14:15.422-05:002012-05-28T10:14:15.422-05:00This is a really good point. Even "family-fr...This is a really good point. Even "family-friendly" companies and firms sometimes mommy-track parents who have primary childcare responsibilities, which usually means women. Also, there is lots of criticism directed at women who have "too many kids, kids at the "wrong" time, who don't devote enough time to their kids, who devote too much time to their kids, etc. Having or not having kids doesn't seem to have nearly such a strong effect on men's careers or how they are viewed.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00224163010904082968noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1223787098072603229.post-22372601313148580752012-05-28T10:10:20.508-05:002012-05-28T10:10:20.508-05:00So glad you commented. I still often feel I must ...So glad you commented. I still often feel I must be very strange in the way I feel, it's nice to know I'm not the only one.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00224163010904082968noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1223787098072603229.post-58682467318372810242012-05-28T10:09:20.974-05:002012-05-28T10:09:20.974-05:00I don't know why I'm surprised the doctors...I don't know why I'm surprised the doctors refused even in those circumstances, but I am. Thanks for stopping by & sharing your experience!Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00224163010904082968noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1223787098072603229.post-49873157812712457612012-05-28T10:08:07.465-05:002012-05-28T10:08:07.465-05:00Thanks for reading & for the good wishes!Thanks for reading & for the good wishes!Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00224163010904082968noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1223787098072603229.post-30851895906113035312012-05-28T00:39:16.396-05:002012-05-28T00:39:16.396-05:00Very powerful post about a subject that few people...Very powerful post about a subject that few people are willing to discuss in public--the choice to go against the norm and not have children. <br /><br />Children are a polarizing topic. You're discriminated against if you have them (forget advancement and promotions, or even landing a job, if you're a woman with kids), yet you don't receive any credit if you are, in fact, childless (something must be wrong, you're a failure or to blame). <br /><br />I've often felt that a woman can not win whatever her personal life choices; someone is always eager to pass judgement (the recent debate about birth control comes to mind). There can be a real double-standard, as men are rarely questioned about their reproductive decisions.Carrie Green, www.CarrieGreenBooks.comhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17019515983341692127noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1223787098072603229.post-20859445583688739692012-05-27T16:11:03.142-05:002012-05-27T16:11:03.142-05:00Thank you for giving voice to the thoughts in my o...Thank you for giving voice to the thoughts in my own head. As a person from a large family I decided young that I didn't want to add more children to the world. I think that my worth hasn't lessened because of that choice.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14019560980043453230noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1223787098072603229.post-68218461816227676122012-05-27T15:56:38.133-05:002012-05-27T15:56:38.133-05:00Lisa - what a wonderful post! Many years ago I as...Lisa - what a wonderful post! Many years ago I asked to have my tubes tied and the uterus removed, but my doctors refused. It wasn't until major complications set in that they final said - yeah o.k. After two very complicated pregnancies - I knew years ago I would never try another - but yet they refused.<br /><br />I agree that we each have our own choices to make - I would never look down on someone for not choosing to have a child! Hell at times, I would envy them! If my life had been different, I can see me not having children - would that make me selfish, no. It would be just who I am.<br /><br />Glad you are being who you are - and that are doing all that you do! Good thoughts and wishes for a speedy recovery - take it easy - it's a hell of a surgery - but get up and walk as soon as you can after! It helps!Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12930070997631410681noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1223787098072603229.post-85833360867211086882012-05-27T15:09:55.006-05:002012-05-27T15:09:55.006-05:00Thanks for this post. Completely agree, its good t...Thanks for this post. Completely agree, its good to know I'm not alone! Hope the op goes ok.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com