Five Somewhat Unexpected Things To Be Thankful For

I had a few different ideas about what to write this week, but then I looked at my calendar and saw this post would go live the day before Thanksgiving. So in the spirit of the holiday, and in no particular order, I'll share what I'm especially grateful for.

- Grandparents who emigrated from Poland: I said no particular order and then realized I needed to start with my grandparents. If they had not come to this country, I wouldn't be here. My grandfather came before World War I, and my grandmother followed about 11 years later. She brought my Aunt Hermie and Uncle John with her. My aunt lived to be 97 but still talked about hating school. At 12 years old, she was put in third grade because she didn't speak English, and all the kids made fun of her. The whole family struggled, especially during the Depression. My grandfather could not get work, so he did construction through the WPA. One of the projects he worked on was the Brookfield Zoo. My grandmother cleaned houses. My uncle told stories about how he and his brothers stole sleds from the orphanage in their neighborhood. My mom’s family couldn’t afford sleds, and my uncles were jealous that people donated things like that to the orphans. By making such a huge change in their lives and persevering, my grandparents opened up so many opportunities for their children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren, who include teachers, lawyers, professors, doctors, executives, and many other professions and who are all people who work hard, contribute to their communities in positive ways, and have loving families. I wish I could tell my grandparents how much I appreciate their willingness to get on boats and travel to a new land where they didn't speak the language and were not sure what awaited them.

My mom and dad at their wedding.

- That lower-than-entry-level job. My first full-time job after college was at a company called PetroVend. Other than the money I earned and that there were nice people there, I would not have expected I’d be particularly thankful for that job. I worked at the company part time during the last two years of college coding by hand key cards like the ones that are now used for hotels. I was a good employee, so the company expanded the job to full time, adding duties such as invoice entry, filing documents, and assembling and sending catalogs to distributors. It was not particularly exciting, but I gained a lot of computer skills on the job. One of my more mundane tasks was photocopying a financial newsletter for one of the two owners. As I copied, I read. It was my first exposure to the idea that money itself could be invested to make more money. I had nothing to invest at the time, which made it easier to learn. I had no strong emotions tied to the stock market or to how to use money I might make in the future. I also often had to copy of the company’s manuals when we ran out. This was on a photocopier that did not have a collating function, so I made 20 copies of each individual page, then laid out hundreds of pages on the table and collated them myself. The same owner saw me doing this day after day and working quickly and, generally, cheerfully. (I was plotting my next novel in my head.) He stopped to tell me that he was impressed that I worked so hard at such a dull task and that he believed I would do well at anything I chose to do in life. He probably does not remember saying that to me, but it made a big difference. I realized that even at a low level job, I could distinguish myself. I also learned that working hard and caring about doing a good job are qualities that not everyone has, and that those qualities are valuable to employers. (And now that I hire people myself, I realize those qualities are even rarer than I grasped back then.)

- New ways of watching television. I never would have expected to say I’m grateful for television, as for many years I did not regularly watch any shows. But I love the new ways to watch TV, particularly being able to watch an entire season within a short time period. That change in viewing habits has led to season-long story arcs, something almost unheard of when I was growing up. It is such a great way to see and understand plot, theme, and character growth. Plus it’s led to excellent scripts. In fact, at a panel discussion at the Goodman Theater last year, one of the speakers commented with disappointment that many of the best writers now work in television rather theater. I love seeing plays, so it is disappointing from that perspective. But watching a season of television now can be much like a 13-20 hour play, with all the nuances and challenge and excitement. While I doubt I’ll ever write for television, being able to watch a drama play out that way has helped my novel writing immeasurably. Plus it’s fun.

- Podcasts. I just started listening to podcasts this year. In them, I’ve found a wealth of information as well as a sense of community. Every week, Joanna Penn in The Creative Penn interviews people about writing, marketing, and/or publishing. So much of that advice has helped me not only improve sales of my books but improve how I use my time and how I write. And Joanna’s updates on her fiction and non-fiction books and her speaking engagements, as well as comments by her listeners, keep me in touch with the community of other independent authors. At the StoryWonk forum, I’ve found other people who love writing as much as I do, and who care about story, theme, plot, and characters as if the world depended upon it. There I’ve also found people who love Buffy the Vampire Slayer (the Dusted podcast) and Pride and Prejudice (the In Want of a Wife podcast), plus Alastair Stephens’ Journeyman Writer podcast on the craft of writing. Through the Reel Chat podcast, I've been able to enjoy learning more about story and also all aspects of making movies. The podcasters have such a great sense of humor and camaraderie that I often listen even if I haven’t seen the film. (Though I do love Reel Chat most when it covers favorite movies such as Terminator. And, I hope someday soon, the Terminator: Sarah Connor Chronicles series -- that’s a hint, guys.) Finally, the Thank God I'm Atheist podcast addresses both religion and lack of belief with humor and insight, and I am very grateful to feel that I’m not alone in being a non-believer with a fascination with religion and its power in our culture.

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- The age difference between my parents and me. My parents got married in their thirties and had my two brothers, then I came along when they were in their forties. My mother said having children late kept them young, and I am very grateful for that. (That’s a surprise, as when I was growing up, the large age gap exacerbated generational differences, and I wished for parents closer to my age.) Even when she hit her late seventies and early eighties, my mom’s philosophy was that old is ten years older than you are. My dad lived to his late eighties without losing any of his mental sharpness. Particularly because I have colleagues and acquaintances in their fifties who are already practicing to be old by reminiscing about how wonderful it was to be young and lamenting not seeing as well, thinking as well, etc., I’m grateful to have had examples of people who focused on the privilege of being alive rather than the negatives of living into middle age and well beyond. As I reach middle age, I feel more effective in both my law and writing careers because of the knowledge and experience I worked so hard to gain. I’m also freer to do things I enjoy because I’m not scrambling merely to pay the rent, and my life is richer for the friends and family members I’ve shared good and bad times with and because my widening circles of interest brings me in touch with new people all time. Just as there were good and bad parts of being in my twenties, there have been good and bad aspects of each decade since. I’m glad I learned from my mom and dad not to romanticize being young and not to dread being old, but to live life in the here and now.

What about you? What are you thankful for this November?


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Lisa M. Lilly is the author of the occult thrillers The Awakening and The Unbelievers, Books 1 and 2 in the Awakening series. A short film of the title story of her collection The Tower Formerly Known as Sears and Two Other Tales of Urban Horror was recently produced under the title Willis Tower. If you'd like to be notified of new releases and read reviews of M.O.S.T. (Mystery, Occult, Suspense, Thriller) books and movies, click here to join her email list and receive free a short horror story, Ninevah, published exclusively to M.O.S.T. subscribers.

Book Fairs, Fun Fairs, and Ice Cream

When I was in grade school, my three favorite events during the school year were the Fun Fair, the Ice Cream Social, and when the Scholastic book catalog came out. (I know, I was really wild kid, right?) The Fun Fair was held in the gymnasium. It was a giant space, or at least it seem that way at the time. There were rows and rows of carnival-like games. The one I loved most had plastic ducklings floating in long narrow troughs. You handed over your tickets and chose a duckling to lift out of the water. A number was written on the bottom of each duckling, and you got whatever price matched that number. I'm sure the prizes were small, but I loved it because I always "won" something. The other game I remember is one I'm pretty sure schools aren't allowed to do anymore. You tossed a ping-pong ball toward a group of goldfish bowls with narrow openings. If the ball went into a bowl, you got to take the goldfish home. The fish never lived very long, but I did have one for a while.

Getting reading for the Chicago Book Expo, 11/21/15, 11-5 at Columbia College, Chicago (sorry, piano not included)

The Ice Cream Social was held in a medium sized room our school very creatively called the Multi-Purpose room. We had gym class there in the early grades and dance lessons there in junior high. I'm sure the Ice Cream Social had some games or prizes, but I mostly remember being excited about getting free ice cream. (I assume my parents probably paid something for us to attend, as I have to think this was some sort of school fundraiser, but I didn't know that at the time.)

Then there was the day our teacher handed out the Scholastic book catalogs. I loved that day because it was the one time I got to buy books rather than only taking them out of the library. I love libraries, as I wrote about in Rediscovering Bliss--At The Library, but there was something very exciting about choosing books to own. My mom always let me pick out two. I'd circle them in the catalog, hand it in, then wait however many weeks to get the books. The anticipation was part of the fun. I had only one disappointment, and it was a big one. I got a book, it was some sort of fantasy story. Halfway through, suddenly the print on the pages was upside down. The first half of the book had been printed twice. Once right side up and once upside down so that if you flipped over the book you would be reading the first half again. When the teacher contacted Scholastic, she was told that a correct copy of the book was not available, but I could choose something else, which I did. But I was left hanging in the middle of the story. I finally found the book in the library about a year later. (This seems very strange now in the age of Amazon when you can order almost any book in the world and have it within a few days on paper or within a minute on your Kindle.) Scholastic continues to have a huge influence on publishing. Among other things, it is the U.S. publisher of the Harry Potter books.

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As an adult, carnivals have lost most of their allure. The prizes look like dust catchers, and I know too many statistics about accidents on hastily put together rides for temporary events. And getting ice cream is not quite the novelty it once was. But I still am excited to go anywhere where I might find lots of new books. Which is why I'm so happy this year to be taking part in the fourth annual Chicago Book Expo for the first time. I will have a table there, and I hope to get a chance to walk around the fair as well. It promises to be full of Chicago area publishers and authors, and I can't wait to explore and discover books I might not have otherwise come across. The panels also look very interesting and include one on historical mysteries and another on the cutting edge of horror. (Of course, there are many “literary” panels as well, but I confess those don't interest me quite as much.)

The Expo is this Saturday, November 21, 2015, from 11 AM to 5 PM at Columbia College, 1104 S. Wabash, Chicago. (I'm also excited about seeing the building itself, as I attended Columbia before it expanded so much across Chicago.) The event is free. If you live in or near Chicago and love books as much as I do, it's a great way to spend a possibly snowy Saturday afternoon. If you do, please stop by my table on the 8th floor. I will have paperbacks from the Awakening series and free short stories and, more important, mini candy bars to hand out. Hope to see you there!

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Lisa M. Lilly is the author of the occult thrillers The Awakening and The Unbelievers, Books 1 and 2 in the Awakening series. A short film of the title story of her collection The Tower Formerly Known as Sears and Two Other Tales of Urban Horror was recently produced under the title Willis Tower. If you'd like to be notified of new releases and read reviews of M.O.S.T. (Mystery, Occult, Suspense, Thriller) books and movies, click here to join her email list and receive free a short horror story, Ninevah, published exclusively to M.O.S.T. subscribers.

The Workplace, Veterans, PTSD, & The Mockingjay

Over the last week, I rewatched the Hunger Games movies. (CAUTION: Some spoilers ahead.) In the beginning of Mockingjay Part One, hero Katniss Everdeen, survivor of two battles to the death, hides in a narrow corridor, rocking and whispering the few facts she remembers, desperate to reorient herself. The scene reminded me of a question a friend asked me after I saw the film at the theater. She hadn't seen it yet, but she'd heard other moviegoers say they did not like it as much as the previous two Hunger Games films because, in this installment, Katniss seemed weak.

Having just read an article on veterans and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, it occurred to me on rewatching Mockingjay Part One that Katniss suffers from PTSD. In her two times in the arena, Katniss sees people killed right in front of her, including a little girl she thought of as a younger sister, and she kills others to defend herself, Peeta, and her allies. She sets off an explosion that causes her to lose her hearing in one ear (though the hearing loss is omitted from the movies). These are all experiences that can cause PTSD, especially close proximity to explosions.

The symptoms of PTSD include many of those we see Katniss exhibit in Mockingjay Part One and, to a lesser extent, in Catching Fire. Flashbacks, disturbing dreams, severe emotional distress on being reminded of anything related to the trauma, negative feelings about self, overwhelming guilt (think of how angry and upset Katniss feels over being rescued from the arena while Peeta was not), trouble concentrating, angry outbursts, and feelings of hopelessness. Fellow survivor Finnick Odair, also shattered by the experience, tells Katniss with conviction that they'd be better off dead.

I admire Suzanne Collins for delving into the consequences of war. Both The Hunger Games and Catching Fire, the first two films, depict the pageantry of war. Young people are sent to fight battles with everyone knowing how many of them will die. (Further, those in lower income brackets are the most likely to "volunteer," as each time a family puts its child’s name in the reaping, it gets extra rations some need to survive.) Catching Fire and the third film, Mockingjay Part One, show the severe effects of combat on the survivors. These consequences are particularly striking seen against the propaganda both sides engage in during Mockingjay. While obviously Katniss Everdeen is a fictional character, that some audience members might see her as as weak when she exhibits those effects made me think about our culture’s views of strength, weakness, and emotional and mental challenges.

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People who live with PTSD, depression, anxiety, or other mental health issues also face the challenge of how others see them. Despite greater awareness, many people still see emotional or mental illnesses as a form of weakness. I am a fan of many self-help guides and methods, and I use techniques I've learned regarding meditation, goal setting, and being aware of what questions I ask myself to feel my best and achieve as much as possible. But versions of these techniques and their related messages often trickle into popular culture in an oversimplified form. We are told that your life circumstances are those that you've created, as if we had complete control; that you get what you focus on; that the world returns to you what you put out into it; and that if you are struggling with anything from low earnings to depression to difficult relationships, it’s all your own doing. Further, improving anything is solely a matter of the adopting the correct mindset, evoking the right emotional state, or taking a more spiritual path. These advice soundbites can leave those facing challenges that can't be addressed through a change of individual mindset or habits alone feeling guilt and shame over not being able to "pull themselves together" or "get over it."

Reactions to Katniss are also, I suspect, grounded in cultural stereotyping of certain emotions as feminine or masculine. When Katniss cries uncontrollably and is distracted and depressed, President Coin of the rebellion sees her as weak. When she expresses anger, even against the President, she’s seen as a strong symbol for the rebellion. This is not so far off from norms for girls and boys, and women and men. Boys are socialized not to cry but are allowed to express anger while girls are taught that crying is acceptable, but showing anger is inappropriate. Because of this socialization, many women report that they cry when they're angry, making dealing with workplace disagreements particularly challenging. A man who raises his voice to a coworker in anger or slams a poorly written report by a subordinate down on the conference table never risks being seen as weak. A woman who cries in the same context will likely never be seen as a leader. She might not even be seen as competent.

I saw shades of this in my past life as a large law firm litigator. In a retreat for senior associates, a consultant advised that if a junior lawyer came to your office, started talking about a work problem, and began to cry, you should immediately leave to give her a chance to compose herself because the woman crying would be embarrassed and also needed to learn to manage her emotions better. Talking while calm is a good idea, but the idea of standing up and walking out on someone who starts to cry strikes me as awful in most circumstances. I did not hear any similar advice given about men who became angry, though women were cautioned against expressing anger too often or too strongly given the likelihood of being perceived as a bitch. Recently I read a woman blogger who said that her new plan is that every time a man shouts in the workplace, she's going to say, "I can't talk to you when you're so emotional. Please come see me when you compose yourself." If that starts happening, I will be more OK with the advice about walking away from a woman who cries. But the reality is still that expressing emotion through tears is seen as weak, while expressing anger, for men, is seen as empowering.

It’s a stretch to imagine that The Hunger Games books and movies can change that. But I love that in Katniss, we have an action hero who shows the real effects of what she's been through. Rather than being stoic, she cries and shouts, falls apart when confronted with certain scenarios, and eventually finds her way through--not by toughing it out, but through finding a sense of purpose and with the aid of medical help and friends. Perhaps her story will open the way for more heroes, real and fictional, of any gender, to express all types of emotion.

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Lisa M. Lilly is the author of the occult thrillers The Awakening and The Unbelievers, Books 1 and 2 in the Awakening series. A short film of the title story of her collection The Tower Formerly Known as Sears and Two Other Tales of Urban Horror was recently produced under the title Willis Tower. If you'd like to be notified of new releases and read reviews of M.O.S.T. (Mystery, Occult, Suspense, Thriller) books and movies, click here to join her email list and receive free a short horror story, Ninevah, published exclusively to M.O.S.T. subscribers.

Premiums, Provider Networks, And Other Changes To Affordable Care Act Plans (Adventures in Health Insurance Post No. 7)

It's been a little over two years since I wrote about my experiences buying insurance under the Affordable Care Act (a/k/a Obamacare). Many insurers, including mine, are changing plans or premiums or both this year, so it's a good time for an update.

I still work for myself and and remain thrilled that I can buy an individual health insurance plan. For reasons I wrote about before, I was denied individual health insurance after I started my own law firm, and there is no group coverage available to me as a sole proprietor. I bought coverage through the Illinois ICHIP program, paying about $300 a month for a $5,000 deductible/out of pocket limit. After the ACA/Obamacare, I bought a PPO Silver plan from Blue Cross Blue Shield. The premium was somewhat higher, the deductible was lower, and the out of pocket limit higher. The first time I picked up a prescription from the pharmacy I got a surprise.

Northwestern Memorial Hospital is the hospital my doctor is affiliated with.

Under the ICHIP plan I had before the ACA went into effect, I paid everything out of pocket until I met the $5,000 deductible. Not a percentage. Not a co-pay. Everything. So when my pharmacist told me I didn't owe for my prescription, I thought he'd made a mistake, as I hadn't met my deductible. The drug normally cost me about $8-$10 for 30 tablets. He explained that under my PPO Silver plan, I paid only a co-pay amount for prescriptions even before I hit the deductible, and because this drug was an inexpensive one on an agreed-upon list, I did not need to pay at all. Who knew? Then when I went in for a yearly check up, I found out that was covered, too, with no co-pay. A yearly mammogram also cost me nothing.

The second year my premium increased a bit, to about $420 per month. I didn't mind. It was wonderful not worrying that unavailability of individual insurance would force me to close my business and go work for a large employer. And the timing of the ACA, for me personally, couldn't have been better. In the past two years, I've gradually shifted my law practice to part time and started writing full time. Because of the ACA, I can run two businesses, both of which provide work to other small businesses and send work to freelancers.

This October I received a letter about my Blue Cross Blue Shield health plan. First surprise: the premium is going down. Second surprise: it is because Blue Cross is discontinuing the PPO Silver plans in Illinois (as well as the Gold and Bronze versions) under which I'd been covered. I was offered a different network, but when I checked, I learned my doctor was not part of it. And more important, neither is the hospital with which she is affiliated. The Blue Cross person I spoke to was very nice and helpful, but there is now no Blue Cross plan I can buy that includes either my doctor or Northwestern Memorial Hospital. If I got care out of network, I'd pay entirely out of pocket up to $45,000 a year and at the full price rates, not negotiated Blue Cross rates. (To give you an idea of the difference, the PPO rate can be as little as one-third of a total hospital bill, meaning an uninsured person would owe $75,000 where a Blue Cross insured would owe $25,000 (which would be paid mostly by the insurer).) My doctor's staff person was less pleasant--perhaps she's fielding a lot of calls--but she did refer me to the website to see what other Healthcare Exchange Plans my doctor's practice accepts.

I checked the one PPO plan with an insurer I'd never heard of. The premium and deductible were significantly lower than my current plan. But the top results in a quick Google search included numerous Better Business Bureau complaints about failures to pay, delayed payments, and inept/non-existent claims handling. I figured that probably explained the lower costs and decided against that plan. The other plan is offered by an insurer I'm familiar with, and it's a Bronze plan. The premium is higher ($508 v. $420), as is the deductible, and the benefits lower (higher co-pays, less covered even after the deductible) but both my doctor and Northwestern are in the network.

A Wall Street Journal article this week explained why people are encountering these types of changes. While health insurers gained many new policyholders under the Affordable Care Act/Obamacare, many lost money on the very plan I had--the Silver PPOs. That meant significant premium increases. In Illinois, Blue Cross Blue Shield opted to drop all the PPO plans, not just the Silver ones, with the wide networks, offering instead to shift people to less pricey plans with more limited networks.

The company's reason is one I'm familiar with from my work as a lawyer. For the most part, when people buy insurance, what they care most about is the cost, not the benefits. Sometimes it's because their budget doesn't allow them to buy higher priced plans. Other times it's because they simply don't think ahead to what will happen if they do need to use the insurance. (Unfortunately, this can lead to disappointment--and sometimes to unfounded lawsuits--when people who chose the lowest priced coverage need to make a claim. Only then does it sink in that the lower premium means certain things are not covered, or at least aren't covered to the extent the policyholder now desires.)

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I felt frustrated and a little worried. While I hope to not need to enter the hospital, if I do, it's important to me that it be one I feel confident about. For years I worked as a paralegal at a firm that handled medical malpractice cases. I learned a lot about errors in medical care and bad outcomes, including that mistakes can happen anywhere, that sometimes when everything is done right, a patient still does not do well, and that some doctors and hospitals are sued all the time, while others are sued rarely. I want to go to one of the places where mistakes, including those that lead to lawsuits, are comparatively rare, and I've already done the research regarding Northwestern and feel comfortable going there.

As for my doctor, I've been seeing her for more than a decade. She is a good doctor, and she knows me. Not just my health history but me, which saves money for me and the insurance companies and leads to better care. If I call her to say my ongoing neck and shoulder issues (from so much computer work as well as my neck being where my tension tends to settle) have worsened but are pretty much what we dealt with three years ago, she doesn't need to insist that I come in for an MRI or even a visit. We can talk over the phone about what's worked in the past and try that first. On the other hand, if I tell her I am so sick with a respiratory illness that I missed work, she'd probably have me come in to be sure it's not pneumonia, as she knows very little keeps me out of my office.

Before cursing the ACA for the loss of the Silver PPO, I remembered that I'd chosen it because Blue Cross Blue Shield in Illinois is the gold standard for health insurance. I could only buy directly from Blue Cross in the first place because of the ACA. Also, I realized I had to compare what I can buy now to what I had before the ACA/Obamacare. When I did that, I realized I am still far better off. My premium will be higher, but I am two years older, and the increase is still offset by the fact that instead of paying hundreds of dollars out of pocket for a yearly check up and associated tests and a mammogram, I will pay 0-$20. And if I do become ill or need a prescription, which obviously I hope I won't, I won't have to spend $5,000 before anything at all is covered.

Unfortunately, with health insurance, it's next to impossible to make everyone happy. Some people qualify for subsidies, others don't; some can afford to buy broader plans, others can't or don't want to; some people are concerned about seeing a particular doctor or having access to particular hospitals, others are not; some believe if they are overall relatively healthy, they will never need coverage, others have serious illnesses or are healthy now but recognize that unforeseen accidents, injuries, or illnesses can happen to anyone. I do hope that next year the statistics are such that Blue Cross Blue Shield and other health insurers limiting their networks will consider going back to offering the broader plans.

What about you? Has the ACA directly affected you? Is your plan changing? Please drop me an email to let me know (lisa@lisalilly.com) or comment below.

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Lisa M. Lilly is the author of the occult thrillers The Awakening and The Unbelievers, Books 1 and 2 in the Awakening series. A short film of the title story of her collection The Tower Formerly Known as Sears and Two Other Tales of Urban Horror was recently produced under the title Willis Tower. If you'd like to be notified of new releases and read reviews of M.O.S.T. (Mystery, Occult, Suspense, Thriller) books and movies, click here to join her email list and receive free a short horror story, Ninevah, published exclusively to M.O.S.T. subscribers.